20181129_182900 The Big Bang
20181129_182900 The Big Bang

*Pad 1 of 5: Pages 0-20: 20180515 to 20180518_170000*



Dear Observer,

I need you to understand the context of what you are about to read. For that you need to know a little about Jack.

Something struck me and I rang like a bell. I had no idea of the depth of this work when it began. My notes are personal and crude. I share them with you so you can see them. To show you these things exist. I want to show you everything. For you to be able to appreciate the dramatic shift in my internal monologue. I need to convey the impact.

This is not a story or a trick. I kept an open mind and the pen moving. A cycle of topics and emotions evolving over the minutes, hours, days, weeks and months that passed. Constantly applying pressure to the perimeter of my knowledge. Finding new resonances. Asking questions and seemingly guided towards answers. Strong gut and emotional impulses. Patterns and "vibes"... This was new to me. Systematic and efficient as my career dictated. I did what I knew. I took note.

You have my sincerest apologies if my notes cause offence. I hope for the opposite. Please understand I was testing the waters with my head. What went though it are the results I offer. Make of them what you will.

Except for when it is in the interest of privacy, nothing will be censored. Everyone gets everything. The past remains while we move forward. Such is our path.

The Drawing Of The Bow

20181202_152500 The Drawing Of The Bow

Beyond my sight the arrow drawn.

Set to sky the difference torn.

Straight passed eye synapse to neuron.

Saw when it came but not where its from.


Page 0 & 1: Front cover, outer and inner.


Page 2 (A remnant from my case.)

*36 leaves were removed for this pad prior to origin. Saved for any possible review of my dismissal in the future. I sit prepared for my justice, awaiting the opportunity to act.*

My father is sat outside. Please can he be a silent observer? *Written while my mind was elsewhere. Immediately proceeding my appeal hearing. I asked prior to the meeting but was ignored. I asked in the meeting and was denied without reason.

I wanted him to see their faces as I delivered my words. He saw them for the cowards they are.*

My rock fallen father words cannot replace. The damage they cause, their actions a disgrace.

I dreamt of assistance, I offered you my case. Please five minutes alone, with a baseball bat and their face.

Page 3 (written post origin but prior to the completion of this pad)

Prewritten pages:-

3 pre-written leaves

3 pre-written pages

2 blank

From back: 1 written/ 2 blank/ 2 written

Removed Leaves: 36 stubs (35 in front, 1 in back)

1 holder/ fastener

1 binder

2 metal cleats on holder

Covers (4, 8 faces):-

2 inner covers (4 faces)

2 outer covers (4 faces)

2 holes in back outer cover

40 leaves

80 faces

23 lines per page

24 spaces for text

24 ring (pairs) in binder

48 rings

24 holes per page

48 holes visible on open leaves

*I was curious what numbers made up the pad I was writing in. Nothing more to it*

Page 4 (20180515 Pre Origin)

Fight for your right *Beasty Boys! A few old phrases came to me. This one I wrote down. On re-reading it post origin it no longer seemed to sit right. It was written in the context of my case. I do not consider this statement part of these notes.*

You make your own luck *A well used phrase. Luck is when preparation meets opportunity*

Time: 2:00, 2:24, 2:48 *(20180515 AM) I laid in bed, I checked the time, 02:00 (alarm). I really needed to sleep, turned over. Rolled back, 02:24. Rolled over again 02:48. I fell asleep shortly after. The numbers stuck with me so I made note*

19 3 (12) 24 44 48 22 14 420 *Numbers I seem to be drawn to. Numbers that hold importance to me. Given to me written down, times, dates, chance encounters (bus numbers, licences plates, numbers in conversations, money, receipts), etc. Everything seemed to be revolving around these numbers. I was curious as to why. I made a note.

Pat different job *No further comment due to privacy*

Dawn should do sales *No further comment due to privacy*

I want £200/hour *This is how much Gareth Dando (Ramsdens Solicitors) charged me to read my case for 1 hour.

It contained numerous serious and factual statements (with accompanying evidence) regarding racial and sexual discrimination I witnessed and experienced during my employment. Along with all the rest.

He gave me one response. An email bumbled off into "legality". Never to be heard of again.*

Money does not buy morality. Its soulless grabbing hand.

Am I Jesus *Heavy in sarcasm. Betrayed, no support. Strong heart, I fought. Redacted.

What seemed like divine inspiration while building my case. Lucidity. I could literally see them plotting in my mind. I saw what they did and all the pieces fell into place. I felt like my efforts were being assisted. Something more just out of sight. On the tip of my minds tongue.*

(Did Say: Am I Jesus) NO. Just strong connection due to upcoming events *Written post origin. I wanted it to be clear I had retracted the previous statement. It could be seen in the wrong light if not explained clearly.

I do not consider my experience a religious one. My work is an observation of fact, what I could sense and feel over any form of belief. I was incredibility lucid in my surroundings and thoughts. My pen ambled with logic and reason.

I make no claims to the existence of God as I am not in a position to comment. If thanks is due, it is given.*

Page 5 (20180516 Pre Origin)

This page is me explaining my thoughts to my partner regards the numbers/ patterns/ progressions I was witnessing. I sensed something building external to me. Something big on the horizon.

I struggled to put my feelings to words. I had no idea if it was going to be positive or negative, just important. Looming.*

10 (+1): (1) 2 4 8 16 32 64 128 256 512 1028 (1024) **I made the connection to a basic logarithmic sequences. 10 numbers I could recall without calculation. 10 numbers before I added the (1) later*

[log graph with tipping point] [not linear] [log graph with tipping point] Reached critical mass. *explained growth/ progression / tipping point. Point of ignition. I felt change coming. I sensed the mechanisms of whatever was influencing me, my case and society as a whole. Something was influencing the numbers I was seeing, too much to be coincidence. I felt importance. Something big. Dramatic change either coming or required. Tension in the air.*

When surrounded by darkness become the light *A reworking of a phrase I used “when surrounded by darkness become the night”. It is better to be feared by evil than fear it yourself. The new phrase came to me just as I finished talking to Cat. Be the beckon. The lighthouse. Communicate. Speak the truth. Teach and assist.*

The Breach

20181129_048000 Awakening

Emotions held. Data in one moment. Time fell eternal on my mind.

Ones passed now present. Glimpsed a pill I took it, clean. Scale and emotion connected, entwined

20161119_231648: (Untitled): Live experience with overdubbed bass line.


Page 6 ***Origin. Written after I laid on the bed***


The tingling is spirit *Prior to origin, I had noticed I was getting goosebumps often. A sensation I would relate to hearing good music. Thrills. Usually I would shake these off in a shudder. As I was getting them increasingly often I noticed them. They were warm and sensational, soothing.

I practices maintaining them a handful of times with moderate success. A case of clearing the mind and bathing in the sensation. I found that they can be somewhat reinforced. Increasing the duration and intensity.

Origin was the strongest I have ever felt this sensation. I was effervescent. Captivated. I felt this sensation greater than any other. Witnessed by my mind and maintained in my body. A vibration. A resonance of sensation. Non-sexual but still exceptional. Like getting into, then settling in a hot bath. Pings of sensation everywhere which settled into a steady flow.

I slid between my mind and body. Like it was just another external factor. I could observe it’s structure and communications vividly. I felt like the foreman observing operations. Reshaping the whole as to resolve the issue's I found. I felt balanced and in tune. Thanked by my body. Pain no longer demanding my attention. My mind free to explore.

I felt there was an aperture in my reality that could be seen through. I could move to the edge and pier in. This felt like a deviant act. Like this wasn't meant for looking in, but I did all the same. The more I observed, the more I was welcomed. I became at peace.

I could visualise something. Something expansive, complete. A connected structure, with emotion and soul. I drew parallels between the sensations I was feeling and what I was visualising. My physical form was in a blissful stasis. My mind free to observe the other thing. I could mentally move around my body and my surroundings. A traversable fluid surface that connecting everything. A surface I could see through. Like swimming in the shallows to realise you are above an abyss. My reality gained an unfathomable depth.

I became part of something much more than what we usually experience. It was foreign and tremendously exciting. What had been seen could not be unseen. I had to evidence my experience. It was life changing.*

Old *self-explanatory. Whatever I was connected to felt old. It had been around a long long time. Ancient. It contained everything we can, and the rest. It felt vast. Limitless.*

Shouldn’t have been afraid, not aliens, spirit *Context required. I had felt some sort of external connection in the past, when I young. I had conflated this with aliens. I thought something had track of me. A connection anchored in my head.

Often waking up from sleep with visions of figures stood around me silhouetted by a bright light from above them. With unknown intent. Silently observing me. I would be shook with fear at any pictures or films containing “grey” type aliens.

Their mere image was terrifying. I felt an uneasy familiarity with their outline and indistinctness. Often shown silhouetted against a bright light. Mysterious. Observational abilities beyond ours. From an unknown destination. Bringing with them unknown intent.

I have a vivid memory from when I was around 8-10yo of walking down the road from my parents. It was dusk and it was still warm, summertime.  As I reached the first junction I looked up. I saw an equilateral triangle spiral in to view above me.

Maybe 100-200ft directly above. Each edge approximately 20-30ft. It’s body was much darker than the sky around it. Soft white lights in each corner. Its perimeter sharp and well defined against the twilight. I did not see any of it's other sides. It made no sound. I ran and did not look back

I was scared, panicked. I ran up to a friends just up the road but no answered. I then ran up to my parents friends house the next door up. They let me in. I did not look back. I do not remember if I disclosed this with anyone at the time or since. I felt shame in my fear. Unable to verify the experience I kept it to myself.

I am certain this was not a dream. It is still an extremely vivid memory. I do not believe I was physically visited by aliens in spaceships from another star system. I believe the vision was more representatory. My brain giving form to a presence beyond my senses. There was a sense of others. I am still uneasy with imagery surrounding ufos and aliens. Beaten by black, white and blue.

This experience felt similar to what I had felt before. The major difference was the insight. Instead of just being observed, I became an observer. Awake and ready.

I began visualising the thrill as some kind of scan, a gathering of data.

An exotic tongue of familiar dialect. Not words but thoughts, emotions. A sense of one and many.

A held chord. A keyboard with after-touch. Each nodes intensity modulating independently. The result an exquisitely tensioned harp of emotion. The impact of one string resonating the rest.

Critical events propagating substantial waves forever suspended in the past. A past that is ever present. A future of an ever increasing number of dynamic filaments coalescing at the present. Ink to paper. A constantly redefined point of origin. A chance for anything to happen. A fundamental direction of probability shaped by the structure of the whole. An increasing chance for deviation as observation descends in scale.

Marvellously detailed variations on a smaller scale all connected. The ink becoming exponentially thinner through a linear decrease in scale. Certainty on the surface of a ever more fluid foundation.*

Helper *self-explanatory. I felt whatever I was connected to was here to help. It had will and it was good. True. Should be respected. Listened to. Capable of communication. It was one and many.*

(date of writing: 18/09/2018 from 10:24 onward)

Everything connected all the same *My body felt at one with it’s surroundings. I could literally feel the pressure of the air on my skin, energy transfers through it. Every inch of my body was available for observation internally and externally. Clarity. The flow of sensation through my nervous system illuminated it. Every imbalance I felt was rectified by either adjusting my posture or settling my mind. I became without pain for the first time in my life. Completely balanced. Tuned. The removal of internal dissonances heightened my receptiveness. Full clarity for mental observation. Hyper sensitive. Wide open.

I saw a vast 3 dimensional structures. Nodes linked. Consistently nonuniform. All was connected and required. Activated. Disk like nodes emanating soft glows around there perimeter. Dozens of filament like structures emanating out the edge of each node, connecting all the nodes in a highly complex grid-like network. There was no observable movement of the structure. Like it was locked in place, suspended. The soft light of the nodes passed along the connective structures. Communications. The texture reminded me of light emitting jellyfish all linked by there tendrils into one complete unit of uncountable parts.

I felt I was looking down on this structure but I was able to get flashes of detail. The whole became less dense towards the surface. It felt like I was stood on top of a mountain looking down on it all. No horizon but room for expansion. There was no perceivable limit to this place. It was everything and there was always room for more.

It felt extremely distant and also extremely close. It was like a veil had been lifted and I was seeing what was there. It was like looking thought a microscope and a telescope at the same time. I felt above this structure but like I was inherently part of it. Connection stronger than physical. It was my bodily senses unable to observe this structure as opposed to it being hidden. Indeed, it had no problem being seen.*

Forever expanding (lied down) *Something felt endless. Like a screwed up piece of paper that could be forever unravelled. Folded in a further dimension. Extra space was pulled as required at any point. At all points.*

(Stood) Had to move away from the mirror. Too distracting. *When my sight returned I glanced myself in the mirror again. It wasn’t about me anymore. I grabbed my pad, laid on the bed and started writing. I thought the feeling/ experience was going to be fleeting and I didn’t want it to escape me. It felt more important than me. I needed to remember as much as possible, so I could share it with others.*

Heard music in the cars (home resonance) (like never before. Soothing) having brought on tingling and maintained *The first external thing I noticed after my mind emptied. I had heard similar before. No engine noise. Rolling tyres on tarmac. Pad-like. Not many cars so each that passed could be heard as an individual tone. I heard pleasant intervals. It sounded choral. Soothing. Slow but melodic. I believe this is was first brought on the tingling sensation. I felt uniquely placed to hear it. Honoured.*

Energised *Self-explanatory. I had gone from wanting everything to stop, for it all to go away, in need of respite to activation. Capable. Alert. Deeply focused. Willing.*

Drew my vision out of window – saw connection vividly in window opening *Immediately after opening my eyes I was blinded by a soft impression left on my vision still in motion. It stretched from periphery to periphery, but my peripheral vision was unaffected. I could see my surrounding in my periphery.

I was stood facing the open skylight above my bed. Probably because that’s where the music was coming from. The impression was exaggerated by the darkness of the night. Focusing on light in the room made it recede. I saw one pin light in the sky directly ahead nothing else. It was either a strong star or a planet. I didn’t draw I direct connection between it and what I experienced but I did feel it signalled importance.*

Page 7

It is important *Exactly what it and I felt. Paramount that I record everything I can. Impactful. I felt purpose like never before. Not just mine but ours. I felt like a conduit in the middle of everything.*

I experienced it *It wasn’t just a collection of senses. There was more than what I had observed. I only scratched the surface. Truth revealed faster than I could process. I took what I could. It felt like a deviant act. Was I supposed to experience this? Was this allowed? I didn’t care. I pushed for more. This felt like it was unexpectedly received but welcomed all the same. I had to participate to find more. This wasn’t just a give but a take on my behalf. I had repurposed something.*

Given to me *I did feel like something external initiated the connection. I dropped my front and it came upon me. An outside influence. A differential of pressure. The flow was into and around me. I swam upstream.*

Wanted to be here *I gained a fresh perspective on what was always there. It wasn’t a completely shocking experience. It was comfortable and exciting. I felt welcome. Lucky. Will wanted to be here and mine did also. Joy.*

Learned to be open and let it flow around *Over the preceding (2-3?) days I had been experimenting maintaining thrills. I was experiencing them increasingly often and intensely. They felt nice. The sensation of good music, blissful communication. Goosebumps. I had perfected this enough to maintain and observe it.

This time though I was rushed by it. No focus required. I felt it move in waves through my body. Oscillations. I could visualise my internal structure through it. I could feel the flow. It was in my nervous system. Directly connected to my mind. My mind could travel and observes my body in ways it never had before. A new perspective on what me and my body were. The thinker and the doer. The pilot and the vessel.*

Symmetrical. Organic. Movement *Words came to me but I couldn’t conceptualise them into a coherent points. I was fluid with inspiration. Letting the pen guide itself. I moved on.

In hindsight, I feel importance in these words given the time they were written. I just couldn’t grasp them at the time, the meaning seemed lost. On reflection, I believe these words were in reference to the movement of the flow around my body.*

Moves around the hold (whole) body/ Flow *Recording the sensation. Seemed important I remember the perceived correlation between the experience and its causality.

Slippage between thought and muscle memory. Hold and whole. I do like the word hold though. It implies our bodies are held states.*

Seems to come in waves *self explanatory. The oscillations amplitude and rate modulated in a wave-like cycle. Rushed peak, smoothed transient, a delay period with plenty of release.*


20180820_021800 Influence
20180820_021800 Influence

An unexpected call from another. Joyous words contained within.

A loving child listened to mother. Drying eyes and tickled grin.


Page 8

Comforting *I felt at peace for the first time in weeks. I needed this. I felt in the company of friends. I felt I was part of a localised community. We were familiar. I believe I sensed my grandmother, I had thought of her during the experience. Connection seemed to be made through collectives. My ability to connect to the whole was tied to the entities closest to me. I was connecting through them and they through me. I feel they were more at home with the nature of all this. This felt less foreign to them. I felt like I was being calmed and welcomed.*

Safe *I felt no hostile intent. Good vibes. Protected. What happened to me prior had lead me to this. This felt correct. Everything felt correct. Gears sliding into place. There was nothing to fear. This was a desirable outcome.*

Best Interests *I witnessed purpose. Paths that could be followed back. Trajectories that anticipated the future. A collective will to proceed on a collective journey. Hope for us to unite. For us to progress at a faster rate. Mutually beneficial. A chance for the veil between us to drop.*

Good will *Fundamental love. Not for reasons. Just emotion. Warm. Unconditional. Uplifting. I have recognised the warmth since. Indicating if something is important or interesting. A resonance between myself and the whole. It has also warned me of trouble. My instincts seemingly bolstered. We sing the same song.*

Trying so hard to connect for so long. Happy *I did not know if that was directed at me or humanity. I felt humbled by the experience. I was glad to take the call.*

Page 9

Be still and relaxed and let it come upon you *This was in reference to oscillation again. It wasn’t a forced experience. Invite it in. Sense your surroundings with eyes closed. Forget your body. You are solely mind. A node. There is depth to reality beyond what we can observe with our senses. They give us a distorted and limited perspective.

You are connected to every part of the universe. A potential array of sense. Feel it. Limit cognition, experience then analyse. The subtle becomes intensely magnified without effort. The brain feels less stifling. Thoughts move without resistance. I felt activation. Ignition.*

It is what it is. It is not what it is not *I wanted to maintain truth and clarity of my experience. This wasn’t a time for beliefs or fantasy. I made this clear to myself from the start.*

Both beneficial *What it is is important. What it isn’t is also important. I needed to gather balanced data/ information. Make sure my reasoning was symmetrically balanced. This was a search for truth and nothing else. I needed to know the facts.*

No need to know, just experience *At this point observation was more than enough. I needed to get the thoughts down as opposed to fleshed out. Just enough of a record for me to recall*

Thankful *We felt thankful for the opportunity to communicate. Non-verbal. Through thought and emotion directly. I felt I was sub-consciously giving as much as I was taking. Exposed but comfortable. Reassured.*

Wants me to ask it *I felt this experience was reliant on my observation to maintain. I reminded deeply focused. There was knowledge but it had to be allowed to flow. Curiosity was essential but too much cognition was disruptive. Like continuing a conversation beyond greetings the communication needed subject or direction. An invitation to choose the topic.*

(end writing 20180918_224400)


Page 10

I don’t know what questions *I didn’t know where to start. I had been taken off guard. Self-conscious.*

Seems to fade if you go off track *The connection weakens if it is not maintained. Any form of stress seems to degrade connectivity. It was a sharing of experience. MindTime. I needed to be relaxed and open. It felt very innocent. Childlike curiosity seemed conducive. Honesty vital and welcomed.*

Cannot force it *Connection cannot be cognitively established. A clear mind was required to notice the nuance. I felt myself become progressively more in tune leading up to origin. My mind traversed my body and my surroundings. Instead of feeling like a human observer I felt part of everything. I could pinpoint discomfort in my body and rectify it immediately. I could visualise the issue. I could feel outlines of my insides. The pressure of the air pushing on confines of the room like reverse vacuum pack. Extremely fluid and slippery around the skylights and down the stairs. I felt the weight in the roof tiles above me. This is the state that had to be maintained for connection. It was subtle but became increasingly more apparent. I felt like I had more sensory range.*

Love/ Emotion *The words hit me. This is what I felt. Emotional communication. Boundless. Words appearing as thoughts external. Images. Scale. Motion. Texture. Feel.*

Life is emotion. Same *This was an epiphany. The first of many realisations I felt. Life, indeed everything, seems to boil down to some key fundamentals. Emotion is one of these. The only thing that separates organic life from the matter around it is emotion. Emotion defines life. All life experiences positivity and negatively. Emotion is fundamental to survival. It has found its way into matter. Matter does not create will. It receives it.*

Random but right *The universe seems to be probabilistic as well as mechanical. Universal constants that seem to be set outlining what is possible. Limits. Whatever falls within these confines is boundless. The improbable is possible and happens regularly. It is a melting pot of possibility and the present is where is has ended up. Forever observing itself. This is a strong indicator of the will and trajectory of the universe. Life inherent and catalytic.*

Page 11

In tune *I felt balanced. Receptive. Ready to go.*

Frequency *Harmonies and harmonics. Pleasing tones. Vibe. Resonance.*

Like tuning in a radio but the dial moves itself. *Almost gyroscopic in nature. Connection was self-levelling. At times erratic. Maintaining balance on a moving pivot. It felt guided from my perspective. Exotic.*

If you get close to the truth it rushes you *The majority of this pad involved me observing resonance. Points in the experience I felt compelled to write. My excitement surrounding the subject matter was enthralling but my motivation was to focus on the nuance of my experience. I needed it to be accurately recalled if to be repeated. I want other people to experience what I did so they understand. I whole-heartedly believe it would be to the betterment of us all.

I am known for my criticalness however this was not the time. This was an exercise in mental fluidity. I found it difficult not to focus. I wrote what I felt as I felt it would better help me reflect. I was getting rushes. Less thrills, more fizzs. Excitement inviting me to put pen to paper.*

Draws you in *The more we look the more we see. Intrigue was synchronous. hot… hot… Hot HOT. I felt it in my chest. A desire to share.*

Head shoulders back arms thighs toes *I felt the sensation as I wrote the above. I noticed the flow though my body.*

Page 12

Chills but not cold *The sensation was similar to chills, what you would experience following a blast of cold breeze. However it was not driven by temperature. It felt like the joy of the moment washing over me. Cleansing. Exhilarating. The feel of the right music at the right time. It was gold.*

I adamantly believe I have been assisted *I believed and still believe I was lead to this point through the events that preceded it. My circle and I had so much “bad luck”. Turmoil. Life was hard for us. I could not forgive the injustice. It broke me. I constantly felt the inability of people around me to help, even when they wanted to. Inadequate representation. The law turning a blind. Everything about this was wrong. I persisted. I wrote thousands of lines of truth. I became strong. Unafraid to be heard. Unafraid to be completely honest and open. What they did was wrong. I was right. I am right.

My life trajectory dramatically changed. All the build up to this point, then this. Too much correlation to be mere coincidence. I felt gears meshing. This was truth and this is what I needed to do. Up until this point I fully believed our existent was completely opportunistic. Now I felt form underpinning. Influencing our future based on our past. Probable trajectories extrapolated from our past, through the present. Either my trajectory or the change in it brought me here. None of these events were of my own choosing. Lots of external influence from multiple sources. People, animals, plant life, objects. It felt like a great aligning of will. I followed the path put in front of me.*

Only when I am alone/ thinking *I first started experiencing the thrills sensation approximately three day prior. I was just getting them often. I thought they were chills down my spine. I would usually shudder, shake them off. I would get them when I was working on my case or thinking about anything intensely. When I was focused. Once I became accustom to them, I enjoyed them. I experimented maintaining them for increasing lengths of time. It was a very soothing sensation. I only experienced them when I was fully present in myself or my thoughts.*

Notice the tingling then *in relation to above*

(end writing 20180924_013000)

Sounding Of Mind

20180710_193400 Sound
20180710_193400 Sound

The ticktock of the minds clock bouncing on all four.

Staying tight feeling right building strength at the core.


Page 13

(date of writing 20180924_132500)

Lack of sleep or beta blockers *This was a new experience for me. While astounded, I was still sceptical. Was this a misunderstanding? It didn’t feel like a figment of my imagination. It felt tangible, foreign, fresh, exciting, too much to process immediately. If it was not an external connection it absolutely had influence.

I was not sleeping routinely. I was getting regular sleep of between four and six hours a night. Generally, I would sleep for seven to eight hours. I went to sleep with the case on my mind. I would wake up with the case on my mind. Waking up filled with hatred and anxiety. How dare they injury my family. How dare they disrespect me. I gave them so much and I got this. I yearned for justice. If it was not going to be given to me I was going to have to take it for myself. Neil, Lindsay and Wayne died many times in my mind. Primo laid in ruin. Pleading and begging. Vengeance. No mercy. Relief. Moments of blissful resolution tarnished by the reality of the situation. I slept exhausted but my mind did not forget

20180501 the day after their “disciplinary hearing” I thought it best to inform my family and friends of what had happened. The reactions I receive from them sent me into despair. Especially the emotional response from my farther. The gravity of the situation hit me again, hard. I became seriously unwell. I attended an emergency doctor’s appointment where I was prescribed twenty eight days worth of the beta-blocker Propranolol. One forty milligram tablet three times a day. These helped with the spikes in emotion. The pain in my chest would subside briefly. These tablets lowered my baseline anxiety. Lower than before all this happened. I knew my stress levels had been high for years but they had built gradually. I had forgot what low stress felt like. I felt confident, socially strong and massively receptive to my surroundings. I saw and heard the detail in the mundane. Nuances I had never noticed. I was not afraid to look or be seen. I felt safe and happy.

I obviously had a new perspective on things but this felt different still. New. I was completely sober. Fed. Awake. Stood. It felt like I was observing sleep itself. What we would experience if we remained fully conscious. Signal transfer. It felt natural and also deeply enlightening. It was important whatever the reasoning.*

Confirming what I am doing is right *A sense of validation. Doubt subsided. Words I needed to hear. I knew this was reality. Truth. There may have been reasons I became receptive but what I received was right. I did not understand the logic but I knew it made sense. An ethereal touch on my senses. A hand on my shoulder helping me believe in myself. Making me strong. Too many signs given and understood to be disregarded. Following me into the fight and becoming my back. Empowered. Invincible. This was not a time to hide away and forget. It was time to show my worth. Thoughts shared on multiple fronts. Facets of truth. My only creative outlet to this point was through music and coding. The quality of my written work progressed to the point of expression while working on my case. Fluid. Another way to express emotion. Visual art followed. My observations had to be bold and honest. My emotions true and understood. The study of mind and matter from nowhere. I had been given wonder and a brand-new palette to convey it with. Excellent.*

Should happen *It felt like a natural progression. The path most balanced. Every part of me willing me to go. I felt I had been given something worth sharing and the ability to do it. An opportunity for good will between me and the rest of us. Vindication and redemption. Emotion off-loaded. Weight lifted. Hope.*

Decis *I believe this was to be decided. I fell unconscious around this point.*

The life, the love, the emotion, the spark *I woke up around 20180518_100000 and picked up the pad. Most likely after a trip to the bathroom. This was a summation of what I had witnessed.

The life I had witnessed beyond me. More suited than I could ever be

The love I felt surrounding me. Acceptant and good will I found.

The emotion found in family. Complexity down to energy.

The spark of life in an unknown reality. Ethereal and unbound.

The feel of origin was still present. This morning felt like the first day of my life. Everything was new and worthy of inspection. I could not wait to get to work. I informed Cat I had experienced something the night before. I struggled to put it into words. It was very hard to define.*

Firm cynic prior to this made many people (aware) of this *

(end writing 20180924_222600)

(start writing 20180926_180000)

I am a man of logic and reason. I need evidence. I believe it is hard for us to truly define anything due to our limited perceptions. We sense a fraction of what is there. We observe even less. We collaborate. We compromise to the common belief. We have limited communication. We cannot truly share thought.

I believe science is our greatest opportunity to gain knowledge however the scope of acceptable science is its “Achilles heel”. We experience the most personally. Our emotions are our strongest sense. Our perspectives uniquely valuable when searching for fundamental truth. While science analyses the harmonics religion is left to fantasise about the root. No one is listening to the tone.*

Page 14

Dr Ashraf Jogi 20180516 or 20180517

Emergency medical appointment

Statement of fact

Outside of nhs

Limited input

*These are my notes from a doctors appointment just prior to origin. I discussed if the doctor would supply a doctor’s report to assist in my case. I was fully intending to take Primo to court. *

[Sketch of imprint on my vision. I firmly believe I recalled it accurately. I was surprised how vivid the image still was. Still is.]

What I saw when I visualised connection *titled after I drew sketch.*

Gateway/ portal *It looked and felt like an aperture. It had depth I could not perceive.

The rim was the most vivid. It was like a cone pulled away from my sight. The cone did not have a defined surface. It had thickness and a dynamic structure. It had predominantly two shades. There was more lighter shade than darker and it seemed to make up the majority of the structure. The centre was increasing dark but I perceived this as depth of structure increasing towards the centre. There were many dark straight lines that ran the surface, directly from the centre to the edges. These differed in width and number fluidly.  The lines did not correlate with my periphery. The edge of the rim was in motion inwards and outwardly. Peaked protrusion like symmetrical fire. There was a defined inner to the rim. Where it felt like it lifted away from my vision. This rim had a correlated motion to the outer. The progression between the outer and inner rim was linear. From the inner rim it receded exponentially towards the centre. I could not see very deep. Much of the centre shrouded in darkness.

Energy feels like a more accurate term to describe the outer cone. Plasma in a field. It was darker than my vision, but I was dazzled by it. Like being blinded with a negative light.

Kind of like “light at end of tunnel”. The centre seemed the deepest part. Emanating from the centre was a soft but piercing light. Focused and strong. Continued passed my vision. It was a narrow beam where my eyebrows meet. I could feel its force comfortably anchor me inside my head. I could feel its presence linger after my vision returned.

I witnessed what I can only describe as lens flares from the light. These were at perfect compass coordinates only. Strong. There appeared like crystal. Perfect. Facetted like cut stone. These themselves glowed. Emitting light that gathered round the centre in four diffuse logarithmic curves. The structure had amazing depth but these could not be effectively observed due to the focal point of light at the centre.

Direct Connection * I perceived the rim structure as output. The light as input. I felt I was observing signal transfer from head on. It did not feel unnatural, just usual. I felt like I was connected to a collective. A great number of entities connected in the same manner. Nodes in a complex network. Me one of those nodes. I had connection to the whole though those nearest me. It was a friendly, welcoming experience.

I was not alarmed, I believed this must be a common event that is rarely observed in this manner. Maybe there are levels of cognition when it comes to connectivity. This felt like a very direct, potent connection. I felt I had taken a lot. I did not feel like I had given anything but my attention.*

(end writing 20180926_210800)

(start writing 20180926_213900)

Image imposed over vision *self-explanatory. I could not see beyond it. It was before my eyes. I could move my gaze and it maintained position in my vision. I cannot comment for the original experience, whether it was stationary or followed my point of view. I believe I was stood completely motionless and my eyes were shut.

Gradually, I could see though the imprint. It continually became more transparent and diffuse. My side periphery was unaffected. The image dissipated slower than what I would have expected. It took an unnerving amount of time for centre of my sight to return. Closing/ rubbing my eyes did not help. The image took some time to dissipate entirely. It was comfortable enough to focus on to see the motion. Feel its depth.

(Start writing 20180928_212800)

I do not know when this image was impressed on my vision, My minds eye was elsewhere. I saw the actuality after I saw the remnant. I focused on elements of the impression and the original flashed back. I saw the cone, the rim, this remained consistent. The impression of the “lens flares” seemed like a perfect seam. Like four pieces of glass pushed together at the corner. I remembered the symmetry and shape clearly. I felt dazzled. The light at the centre was more experienced than seen. It was beyond my vision. Before it. It directly obscured vision at that point. The light/ flares illuminated the unlit cone surrounding it. It was extremely focused but mildly radiant. It felt like it had travelled a long distance but was still able to pinpoint me absolutely.*

Eye level *When I originally closed my eyes, I was looking in the mirror. My last sight was of myself. This image was replaced with images relating to my case and visions from reoccurring nightmares. The situations were essentially the same. False accusations. Hated by the crowd. Spotlight. My only option to fight. No ability to defend. Remain defiant/ true. Sadness. Worthlessness. Hurt. Hate. I needed this to stop. A waking nightmare with no escape. I took stock of my options. I simultaneously heard and felt “Stop” as it tumbled out of my mouth. I was shook like someone shouting it in my ear.

I believe I briefly opened my eyes at this point and saw myself in the mirror. I closed my eyes again and instinctively turned to face the open skylight above my bed.

The pivot of the window is at approximately eyelevel. I always tilt the window slightly towards closed, off true horizonal. Due to this and the aperture geometry, I cannot see much, if anything, above the window. I can see outside from below the window. The crown of a large Sycamore tree, parts of the horizon and a slim portion of the sky.

I stood still and listened. I heard the outside, the room and myself. I manipulated my body and corrected my posture. I felt balanced, like a tuning folk. Correct posture was not natural. It initially required conscious readjustments.

I seemed to empty out, into the room. My body part of it, My mind able to move around it. Able to observe on a fine scale. Feel it. Be it.

I heard distance tyres on tarmac and I was there on the road watching the wheels roll with silence engines. Street lights. Headlights. The reflections on the road. The markings. Crystal white light against black. Radiance from the road. Resonance of the tarmac and the tyre grooves. The weight of the cars passing. The friction of the rubber on the road. Channels and vortexes in the air. I believe this was when I started to experience thrills. Sensations on the back of my neck and shoulders. The sound was soothing and aesthetically pleasing. The experience was liberating. A complete shift in state compared to what I was feeling before. It was exhilarating. I enjoyed the present. It felt fresh and exciting. Ethereal and suspended in time.

The pressure I felt between my eyes was conflatable with sensation of concentration/ focus. Unforced. The feel of a finger pressing just above my brow. I believe my head was slightly tilted forward with my eyes facing slightly up towards this point.*

Diffuse *Self-explanatory. The impression was like a thick carpet of dust left in the wind. It retained structure. It started off sharp then dissolved, out of focus. The motion I felt was of the event, not caused by me opening my eyes and the image receding. The motion remained consistent until the impression dispersed.*

*The evening of the 17/05/2018 Cat and I went to Zizzis with Tara and Shaun*

(end writing 20180928_234300)

Eyes Relensed

20181118_215000 Eyes Relensed
20181118_215000 Eyes Relensed

A brand new eye made for looking. Mind no longer pressure cooking.

On look out attention fucking. Auto-correct iphone ducking.


Page 15

(start writing 20181002_162300)

[I, I, II, IIII] First recording, first night. Clicks. Cat’s phone. ML observed. Logarithmic again. *Cat received her new phone a few days prior (?). The phone had a sleep recorder function. Cat played a few recordings to me obtained from the first night of her having it. Periodic clicks were present in all the recordings. I presume the source of these were internal to the phone or something to do with the software. They had a loud transient (limited to ceiling) but no room reverberation could be heard. I glanced the phone while cat scrolled through the recordings. I immediately noticed a 1 1 2 4 pattern on the waveform of four consecutive recordings. I.e the first of the series had one click. The next had one click. The next had two clicks. The last had four. Seeing this pattern yet again seemed important. It seemed to validate my experiences. *

Need to get into AI coding *An AI could monitor all the numbers I was observing and identify patterns. To assist me finding the causality of all this.

I firmly believe AI will play a pivotal role in the future. I absolutely want to be a part of it.*

Lets get uneducated *I said this out loud to cat then noted it down. I have spent a reasonable amount of my free time casually researching scientific advancements. I find space and quantum mechanics fascinating. Out of place objects and ancient technology intriguing. The mechanics of elements and biology. The complexity of the small and the large and everything in between. I have always been compelled to find truth and gain a broader understanding of the universe around me. Facts and figures. Hard evidence.

Parts of what I obtained seemed to pertain to these topics. I needed to put a side any preconceptions. I needed to be true to my thoughts and feelings and not be selective or biased in what I recorded. It was also important not to over analysis anything. A lot of thoughts were coming to me and I wanted to catch as many as possible. At this point it was important not to get bogged down in any one train of thought. Record enough to remember then move on.*

Cat after appeal (incorrect, after doctors). I need to go for a wee and god knows what else *Cat had been having bathroom issues due to IBS. I knew what was going to happen. It seemed fitting for me to make a note of this. Funny more than anything.

I did and do not believe I had a religious experience. There was no observation or feel of a god just a different sort of existence to what we normally experience. I felt connected to a group of entities/ nodes, a network. I did not note any hierarchical arrangement. No sign of a leader. The connections themselves seemed to maintain the structure/ order.*

Part of this universe *However foreign my experiences were, I knew they were all contained within what we understand as the universe. It was a realm within our realm. I had never noticed let alone observed it till origin yet it had a touch of familiarity. It was an exciting experience, not scary. Natural. I could not begin to place where this existence was except it was external to my reality. I sensed an extreme vastness but what scale this was on is unknown to me. I had no reference point. It seemed to be a realm of complexity with uniform structure density. It spanned for eternity as far as I could tell. It was magnitudes more natural/ at home than our day to day existent. If anything is removed from actuality, it’s us.

Consciousness evolving *As with everything in the universe, consciousness had a beginning from which it progressed. Its possibility contained within the laws and constants of the universe from inception. Its origin is the same as everything else. It is not external. It is absurd to think ours is the only occurrence of it. We are evidence enough it is, will be or has been present elsewhere. We do not need to see this to know this.

Picture our universe as an innately self-aware entity. Each element complies to the rules identified by the whole. With each new possibility actualised a new rule is written for the rest to follow. An internally balanced system. Memory literally written within energy and matter. Communication of the past to the present. An ongoing observation of everywhere to everywhere. They tell me life is a beautiful thing. It is arrogant to believe we are the most rich or influential form.

We struggle to identify consciousness in ourselves. We have no metrics.  We cannot directly observe it so we concentrate on what we can. We have become disassociated with our true nature. A nature which is inherent to the universe. We deny anything but ourselves their emotions even though they can be witnessed in many forms of life. A human level AI would prove that consciousness is not bound to biology. We have yet been able to construct biological life but computer consciousness is just round the corner. We are literally representations of its progression.

The conscious we experience is unique but that does not mean there is no other levels or forms. It is extremely arrogant to believe it lies solely with us. Our observational and sensory limitations restrict our ability to acknowledge other forms. They define us and separate us.*

Can affect probability but not direct mass (matter) *Since my suspension something seemed to be influencing my world internally and externally. I seemed to suddenly fall through the cracks of society. The injustice spurred me on and gave me an extreme focus. My observational and literary skills progressed dramatically.

Increasingly often, numbers and sequences where correlating with important events and strong decisions. Lots of odd coincidences. I remained sceptical however at this point the synchronicity could not be refuted. It had my attention.

I could not discern any tangible connection between the things I was experiencing but I knew there was one. It was evident to me at this point. The only relation was the high improbability. The guiding quality was impossible to ignore. Any extra level of improbability. It became apparent to me that something was tipping the balance of probability.

What happened to me at Primo should not have happened. It was wrong. Not just from a personal perspective. I sensed readjustment external to me. I saw it in my circle. It was like what was once a strong but tensioned cord had snapped. The shifting of trajectories was palatable.

I knew nothing of synchronicity prior but within the last few day we had become on best of terms. How were Primos actions and what I experienced related? Had I influenced the world around me or had I fallen foul to it? Either way, I observed uniformity with the numbers I was being presented.

Since 420. 24 and 42 were defined over and over. Often accompanied with 1, 8 or 0. Both dividable numbers, even. The number order did not matter however, sequenced: 0, 1, 2, 4, 8. Continued: 16, 32, 64... 3's and 6's appear: 0, 3, 6, 12, 24. 24 again. I found the pattern I had been aired toward, n*2, worthy of further investigation.

The experience of consciousness we know flies in the face of adversity. It influences the flow of probability. It observes and adapts. It directly affects reality. What I experienced was an act of consciousness external to my own. Mind without body. Figure without a form. Influencing what it could. Its actions enigmatic and subtle. It beckoned for my attention and obtaining it.*


This page and all onward written 20180518 *self-explanatory. This was my first date time stamp. I wish I had included them from the start.*

Page 16

Brain structure *I witnessed and continued to witness (at differing levels of intensity) an oscillation of sensation flowing around my body. I adamantly believe it was transmitted through my nervous system. Via it, I could observe parts of the internal structure of my body. Like a light illuminating my internals to my mind as it propagated. This was not just limited to the body. I could not visual my brain but I could feel its tensioned surface against my skull. A complex texture. I could sense operations, heat.

The base of my skull and top of my neck seemed to be a focal point. A point of connectivity between my body and my mind where all signals pass through. It is through here where our gut voice is sensed. Its connections are strong and rigid as opposed to the fluidness of our mind. The minds domain is more flexible but its connections much weaker. It can be arranged, observations written much more freely. Its connections remain dynamic unless they can be reinforced. Our body contains its own consciousness of which our mind is connected. The mind is free to do what it wants as the body looks after itself. The relationship is symbiotic. Wellness is the sensation of these two elements being in a mutually beneficial state. Our own best friend.*

(end writing 20181003_023200)

(start writing 20181006_160000)

*We can only see cells with tools than enhance our sight. We have no appreciation of their reality. We cannot perceive the scale our mind operates on. It is fair to presume we have influences beyond our perceptions. Our minds are fluid in nature. A flux of emotion bombarded from all sides.

Our senses can be externally augmented and our minds still appreciate the results. Scale is a defining factor of our bodies but not of our minds. Our minds traverse scales with ease. It is natural for us to do this. Indeed it is the mind that identifies the scales that we search for. We know there is more so we look. Fundamentally, we are beings of curiosity. It plays to our advantage.*

Record of observations *Memory is a recording of events. The quality of a memory depends on our emotional state at the time of experience. Our receptiveness, focus and mood define what is documented. We do not have to be aware of an event to record it. However, our level of attention of an event directly affects the probability of a memory being recalled, and in what depth. The heft of the handle and the size of the pot.

Our memories are coloured by our emotions. They are as much a reflection of ourselves as they as of the observed. Our emotional state at the point of observation dominates the tone of the memory. Memories are associated with others of like tone.

We are more likely to recall a given memory if we experience that tone again. Being reminded of the tone is enough to spark the strongest memories. Tones are acoustically related to each other in our chamber. Resonated by others.

Some memories become redundant, not generally recalled but still they add volume to the tone. Never lost, the connections reduce pressure in the system. Cumulatively, they present a path of least resistant to the domain as a whole.

Some memories lay at the very edge of our reality. The extremities that define the shape of our chamber. These memories are vividly coloured by emotion. These can teach us the most about ourselves. Appreciating their context reveals our fundamental. Our depth.

A natural and organic balance is formed in the structure of harmonic tones. We refine ourselves with each new branch and bridge. Every waking moment. Our consciousness is the combined resonance of this structure. Exactly what is active at any precise moment. A projection of it that evolves over time.

Connections are not lost but signal strength degrades over time. New memories become dominant. The walls of our chamber remaining fluid till they fall.

We retain sensory input; images, sounds, smells, etc but these tend to be snapshots. Peaks and troughs of the experience as opposed to a continuous stream. The detail becomes lost or difficult to focus while the impact and feel remain strong. We all form our own emotional past.

The majority of what is recorded is our emotional response to the event. It is possible to not remember any strong detail of an event but still remember how we felt about it vividly. To us, the most dominant function of our memory is the documenting of emotion. We remember ourselves. Self observation. The emotional content acts as an identifier. If we are at high we remember the good times, if we are low we remember the bad.

Our realities are structured within our emotions. The wisest among us being the ones with the largest harmonic range. They learn to tame their angels and demons. Their past is present and is efficiently traversed for the knowledge it contains. Self acceptance is the first step towards true understanding.

Memory seems to be one level deep. We do not tent to remember recalling memories. The path to the original memory just becomes reinforced. If we remember an event from differing emotional states we view it from differing perspectives. We can gain a more complete insight. If emotion can be nullified, all that is left is truth.

Our senses are limited and our minds are intrinsically aware of this. Our vision is more than our sight. Human existence is a continuous process of joining the dot and filling in the blanks. Without foresight and imagination we are not ourselves. Our reality's are predominately made in the mind. As we and our experiences are truly unique, so are our worlds and our perspectives. Only though collective thought can we attempt to identify actuality.

Unfortunately we are all working will similar tool sets. Even with harmonic reasoning our communal perspective is biased. To gain true insight we need to communicate with entities with differing abilities and traits. The more removed from our perspective, the greater the range of understanding that can be obtained through collaboration.

I believe I connected to a collective with exotic observational abilities. While we share the same actuality our realities and appreciation of existence differ dramatically. I feel they understood my perspective more than I understood theirs but my memories were still of great interest. I adamantly believe our brains store elements of actuality. Data that can be retrieved, collated and analysed, not only by ourselves.*

Makes things tangible. Real. *We know that the mere act of observation impacts the world around us. This is a corner stone of quantum mechanics. It has been proven that observation changes the mechanics of particles or at least the facets of the mechanics revealed to us.

Unconnected observations reveal drift and anomalies. Nothing can be truly repeated. We blame unmonitored variables but never question the nature they represent. Data that does not help us prove our point is disregarded. We focus on what we want to achieve and turn a blind eye to the rest.

We observe events and presume their causality as this is our nature. We base our world on these presumptions. We live them until they are challenged. We think we know until we are proven wrong. Even then it can be hard for us to accept. We perpetuate beliefs and ideas and by doing so, make then our reality. We perpetuate the norm.

Science becomes increasingly more complex as it bounces round its biased chamber. What needs to be appreciated is that fundamental truth is fundamentally simple. From this simplicity everything else can be extrapolated. We are of the universe. Its fundamentals laid bare if you simply clear your mind and listen.

The unobserved is intrinsically probabilistic. The future is a great example of this. No matter how well we attempt to modal the universe we can never fully predict its progression. The computational power and scope required would need to equal the universe. We would also need to fully understand the mechanics of the universe, which we do not.

With our observations, we become the creator. Possibility becomes fact and the universe adjusts to suit.

We occupy a reality of possibility held together by observation and perceived causality. Within the confine of nature, we are the ones the define what is possible in our reality. The universe eternally encompassing us.*

Quantum “weirdness” is evidence of conscious *As humans, we like to believe we are the only entities in the universe that possess cognition and self-recognition. The only bastions of will in a barren universe. We negate to entertain that will could have preceded us and its origin external to our bodies. Our experience if one of detachment. We believe we are the alpha and omega of will. We generally do not reside outside our minds so everything in it is presumed to be sourced and contained within. Our observational abilities and experience limit us.

We are proof of a universe which observes itself. We are intrinsically part of it.

Cognition can be broken down to simple logic just like everything else in the universe. Our thoughts mere chemical reactions and electrical signals traversing matter. We are the movement of energy. A natural reaction within the confines of nature. If the transfer of energy can bring about conscious it is extremely arrogant to believe we are the only form it can take.

The abilities and complexity of our brains pales into insignificance when we compare it to the grandeur of the universe. We are simple and our existence is extremely fleeting. If our form can obtain conscious imagine what the complexity of a planet or a star is capable of during its life time.

We can witness the will to survive in all forms of life. Even in life with no cognitive ability. A will to remain together and whole. To maintain the ability to progress in its present state. In defiance of its surroundings. Repurposing it environment to suit its needs. Adapting to change as required.

Without will there would be no life. It is reasonable to presume will preceded life. Will brought about life as opposed to the other way round. Indeed the universe is an exercise in togetherness. Attraction trumps repulsion. Energy coalesces to form matter. Atoms come together as collectives to form material. Survival seemingly an evolved form of attraction. Everything seems to be formulaic until we reach the level of the quantum.

As with out minds, the quantum world is once of possibility. Without defined structure and in constant flux. The quantum presents all possibilities and the observational structure above it solidifies them. The untold complexity of reality on this scale is truly unfathomable to our minds. All possibilities are present. Causality can seemingly be trumped in this realm. A reality of boundless imagination.

(end writing 20181006_190600)

(start writing 20181009_084100)

*At least some elements of the quantum world can sense observation and react in a predictable way. It is seemingly aware of the past and possible futures. Its substance as diffuse to encapsulate all possibilities. Time is obviously not a 1D progression in the quantum realm. Evidently its space operates differently to ours. What appears miniscule here could be vast there. It must have further dimensions then what we have metrics for. Therefore so do we.

We are just a construct of the quantum, we do not represent all its dimensions. It is seemingly self-aware, either as a community or separate entities. It is active and adaptable. It can process data at a rate that exceeds ours. Containing all possibility but unable to enact any imagination. Consciousness contained. Eternally observing the present, recording the past and predicting the future. Perhaps some futures are more desirable in the quantum realm. A future path of least resistance. Not able to act but able to influence. Will finds a way.

(end writing 20181009_091300)

(start writing 20181008_185600)

Brains used to connect to material *The brain is just a structure. A dynamic apparatus. A finite space. A tool set. A receiver of input. A control hub for the body. A cockpit.

The mind is limitless. The observation abilities of the mind greatly exceed the abilities of the body. We can extrapolate the future based on the past. We can visualise the unseen and will it into existence via our bodies. The body can be complete but without mind it is without life. We are evidently more than the sum of our parts.

Society proves mind can be communal and groups of individuals can be influenced as one. Each a node in a larger structure connected by sense and emotion. Ideas resonating and conflicting among us. Communal cognitive structures vying for authority. What is right is made as much as found. Levering probability to our benefit. Creating our own future. Dictating possibility.

Our minds are of energy and our bodies are of matter. Fluidity and fact. Energy dictating the structure of matter. The hierarchy representing a massive increase in scale of control. Electrons influencing mass. Entities influencing world. Working together look what the quantum can achieve.

Energy is never lost, just transformed so we can conclude the energy of our minds preceded us. Bringing life into our structure. Like an ethereal hand in a material glove.*

Though our senses we become an antenna. We receive and send data over vast distances when viewed from a quantum scale. The mind is the processor of the present and memory the hard drive of the past. Complex data stores our mind have limited access to. Data stores intrinsically connected to the universe.

During origin I felt connected to something. My mind was accessible and influenceable. Communication without the requirement of matter. My mind was one of the connected. I adamantly believe our fundamental state is one of energy not matter. A force of will that can act on the structure above. Brain structure providing the interface. A receiver and amplifier combined*

(end writing 20181008_204400)

(start writing 20181009_091900)

No brain, no connection *Self explanatory. No brain, no interface, limited to no control of self. No deviation.*

Unbound. Conscious: Everything. Always * Seemingly everything observes to some degree. The present maintains the past. Complicit in its surroundings. Energy and matter react in predicable ways. The future can either be the same as the past or different. Relative to the force acted upon it and then capable of acting accordingly. Observing its own nature and that of others.

Not everything is aware but everything plays by the rules associated with it. Differing scales are more influenced by particular rules than others. A harmonic rule set that adapts relative to your structure, size, coordinate, speed and thought. Understand the fundamentals and everything can be deduced.

Attraction is an intrinsic part of the universe. Its rules are simple. Its results are complex. Oneness appears in countless forms, of which we are one. We are the result of same simple universal instructions as everything else.

Observation of ourselves brings about self-awareness. The universe has been observing itself since inception. On every scale level. Its operations flawless except for when they are not. What seems to be anomalies show signs of other factors at work. Beyond our understanding. Deviation we just accept and disregard without much thought.

At times we feel personality in nature. The way things work out. We resonate with our surroundings. Feel a guiding factor in our lives. We lever possibility to our will. Much like the universe has done always. Its constants show its intent. Its scope revealing its abilities.

During our experience we make rules for ourselves. We need boundary. The mind needs to know its confines. The interior brings shape to our reality. A space in which to operate. As far as mind is concerned, it would rather be complete that correct. Filling in the blanks with belief in the compliant and possibility in the deviant. We either sure up or push against our boundaries. Those who build foundations on their beliefs find more inner peace. A limited but resonance structure forms within them. A beauty they are willing to protect. Thought who push for more volume gain more. Less internally structured but a broader range of understanding.

The actuality is that both can be achieved. Our reality can expand whilst remaining internally resonant. It is just a matter of minimising internal interference.

Look to make the surface of your experience spherical. I uniform radius of knowledge from your centre. A resonant shape to expand in like a bubble. Equally tensioned it rings like a bell. Be present. Ask what you do not know. Observe your surroundings with childlike wonder. Live life. Remember the important and dream of the future.

Maintain a fluid and honest reasoning. Be open-minded. As your awareness increases allow the mind to relax into the space provided. Any structure that does not resonant in the new space needs adjusting or removing. There is no point in holding on to what has become incorrect. It only results in internal dissonance.

Stress management is also vital. Our societal structure is stressful enough we do not need internal stresses compounding the issue. Be open with yourself. Do what you dream. Accept and learn to love yourself. You have no faults. It is society that imposes unnatural ideals. You are beautiful. You are capable. Spend as little time doing what you need to survive then spend the rest thriving. You are the owner of you.

Face your demons and learn to release them. Get support if you need it. Do not be ashamed. Make personal sacrifices. Whatever it takes to achieve a resonant, receptive inner structure.

It is important to understand that our self-imposed rules work within the confines of the universe. We are units of universe. To understand ourselves is to understand everything.

During times of cognition we hear little but ourselves. Make time in your day to relax, be present and listen. Dodge your thoughts till they move on. Get stress out of the picture. Feel the communications of your body. Listen. The more completely you relax the body and mind the more you will hear. Your body an aerial. Your mind a beacon. Enjoy the peace. Nothing but the moment. If you feel like you had any important thoughts, write them down. It is important to remember what you hear. Let it influence you. Question the origin of these thought. Did they pop out of nowhere? Were they completely your own? Did anything click into place without your input? How intense did it feel? Did you feel any sensation manifest in your body?

A sound mind will deduce most thoughts and ideas are a natural progression of our own experience. An open mind will acknowledge that some thoughts seem to be revelations. A resonant mind can feel the difference.*

(end writing 20181009_162400)

(start writing 20181013_215600)

Materia: “One unit” + Journey *Play on words with bacteria. The smallest element of matter is an entity of a smaller scale made observable. Its internal resonance giving it mass. Intense oscillations confined.

The focusing of energy into resonant structures preceded matter. The flow of energy at the birth of the universe inconsistent enough for diverse structures to form. Structures with fluidic focal points.  Some resonant structures are simple and require minimal energy and setup to maintain. These elements are abundant in our universe. Some resonances are more complex and require large amounts of energy to define. These elements carry more mass.

Once a resonance has been created strong enough to form matter it remains consistent for a period of time. Until its energy depletes and the resonance can no longer be maintained. Resonances can also interferer to form other compound structures. The ways these resonances interact define the laws of matter. Matter just an observation of the energetic structure below.

Once matter is formed it becomes an entity. A unit. It has a beginning, a middle and an end. Its existence becomes one of causal progression. It effects and is effected by the structures and resonances around it. It becomes part of the collective. Part of the matter world we recognise while maintaining its energetic nature.

Attraction of matter, gravity, a result of the interference between these structures. This reveals that structural internal resonance is attractive above average. Contained in the same medium. The consistence of gravity as a force indicates consistence in the fundamentals of these resonant structures. They are all related. Abstractions of one another. The strength of gravity increases as the amounts of elements in the resonant structure increases. Its combined influence having greater reach. Resonances become amplified together. Units act as one.*

Conscious/ knowledge expand = universe expand *The range in complexity of structure seems to correlate with the expansion of the universe. Structure complexity increased dramatically at inception then essentially plateaued for a period time until a critical point. New structural possibilities emerged. Structures capable of defining other structures while maintaining themselves. Self-contained units of universe. Deviance from the past.

The expansion of the dimensions of the universe a result of the increase in structural possibility. A greater range of possibility at every point in the universe as new truths are revealed to it. Literally more space for activities. The expansion required to maintain constancy of form. A universe that adapts as new odds are brought to the table. Aware of the probability of everything it contains and has contained to present. A closed loop of observation ready to react.*

(end writing 20181014_000400)

(start writing 20181014_202700)

Black holes = data retrieval *Black holes astound and intrigue us yet we know very little about them. They force us to question the nature of everything. Including the integrity of our current understanding. Mathematics that break down at the point of singularity. Our logic can only progress so far without further input.  As such we are left to theorise what we cannot observe.

All we can say for sure is that our current understanding is adequate for most things we consider relevant, but not everything. Either we have not explored all avenues possible in our current understanding or that structural mechanics can differ inside or outside our universe. We note a distinct change in mechanics in quantum mechanics. Our universe operates differently according to scale. Our current understanding tells us that the universe emanated from a small point. The reverse with black holes. Fundamental truth lies in the mechanics of the quantum or even smaller.

We exist in a reality of matter. Energy suspended in three dimensions over time. Our universe only seems to be able to render to us a portion of actuality. It can only communicate what our senses can perceive. Our minds work with what they are given. Our observation of energy has a lower and upper threshold.

Matter is obvious to us. Tangible. Real. We are made of matter. It is the form of energy we can most readily interact with and control. Beyond the familiar structure of matter is unbound energy. Waves and emissions. Free energy interacts with matter. Influences it. It is one and the same just in propagatory form.

While energy is evidence to us its nature is more difficult for us to appreciated. Once we cannot disassociate a signal from “noise” we consider it lost. If we cannot observe it, it no longer bares relevance. The lower threshold. We cannot observes it so it disappears. Expanses of our universe seems to be void but there is a base line of energy through out it. A noise floor. Lots of nothing amounting to a great deal of unknown.

High energy states are also beyond our observation. They are seemingly at odds with what we know to be fact at other coordinates. A singularity is an extremely high energy state. What we know distorts around it. Our reality conforms to it as it has no other option. Its influence inescapable. Its nature beyond our ability to perceive. A deeper void within the void.

Before the zero point of our universe, and after the present, is also unobservable. Our reality exists within these thresholds, as does our reasonings. Anything else is conjecture. The more we probe and push these boundaries the more we understand about the nature contained within them

It is important to remember we are the ones contained in these boundaries. Our reality is limited but actuality is not. We have very little understanding of most impactful elements of the universe. We are literally at the mercy of lower powers. Their nature is our nature. We exist because of them.

(end writing 20181014_221400)

(start writing 20181016_182100)

Our world is just a resonant point suspended in a gravity well. We perceive the ground as a boundary, but this is only true for our form. We find biological life above and below it. The convergence of various cycles at this point in a gravity well has resulted in complexity. Forms possible of divergence from formative structures. Forms with a need to persist in a dynamic world. Senses to monitor. Mind to adapt. Body to enact. Gravity and structural deviation go hand in hand. Pots to be stirred in.

Observation can take many forms. So can complexity and variation. Cycles differ in length but they are cycles none the less. Points of resonation are redefined when they are appreciated from differing scale levels. There is no reason to assume there cannot be other forms of mind in different formats to ours.

Black holes observe an incomprehensible amount of data. They are at the centre of the dynamic structure around them. Influenced and influencer of their galaxy. The entire feel of it all reduced to a point. Intense energy. We have difficulty imaging any sort of biological life we recognise existing there. This is because it could not. If a form of mind could exist there it would have a perception that would totally encompass ours. The potential collective of mind massive and highly informed.

If you wanted to observe the entire galaxy and you had the means, the black hole at the centre would be the ideal coordinate...*

(end writing 20181016_205100)

(start writing 20181017_093300)

Page 17

Brain structure draws consciousness *The brain and body are a self contained unit. Capable of autonomy. Most of our major bodily functions are performed without the need for mind. Heart beat, breathing, digestion, filtration, etc. Even relatively complex tasks can be accomplished once internalised. Brushing your teeth, walking, typing, etc. The mind becomes free to wonder. The body does body things while the mind does mind things. The mind controls direction and the body enables. The body influences the mind. Communications like hunger and pain demand our attention.

Due to the nature of our origins, mind and body are inseparable. Macro and micro. Symbiotic. Our fundamental connection to the world is material. We are biological life. Chemical structures. Our bodies bound by the laws of matter. Our mind is accustomed to our bodies. Each individual's body a unique experience. Unable to effectively transplant the engine without the wiring loom to boot.

Without body you would hold no mass. Mind would have little to no control of matter. It would not have the senses we are reliant on. Your internal monolog would be deafening, initially. After a period you would quieten.  You would observe. Question. What would your dimensions be? What dimensions would you exist in? What about your perceptions? You are of the universe. Whatever you mind consists of would not be loss. Causality and energy transfer. Influence felt both ways. Intense lucidity. Progression. A signal amidst an ocean unlost. A will without form returning to a familiar collective state. Understanding and a deeper appreciation of the opportunity of life. Connected to others in the same manner you are connected yourself. Signal transfer. Some degree of influence or impact. Oneness.

Would our mind hold long term memory? Memory seems to be a bodily function. We do not directly control the writing process. Even the read process seems at least partly autonomous. The experiences we had as captive will formed us. The important lessons and fundamentals of our previous reality that gave structure to our resonance now free to propagate. Influence. How resonant you are with the resonance field you find yourself in defines the nature of your release period. Will you be a boost or a deviation? A trajectory of influence. A unique communication of knowledge. Causally locked your influence intrinsically part of the universe forever. Your life a path of a transient across progression. A decaying influence that never releases. Part of a fundamental will. Whatever form that may take. A critical part of a structure growing in size and complexity. Following the trajectory of progression. Patterns. Cycles. Beginning to present till the end.

Will is an inherent part of the universe. It exists. Attraction is a primitive form of it. It evolved in complexity just as everything else has. Its evidence forever residing on the causal horizon of the present. We are here partly if not entirely because of it. A guiding force of subtle influence though time.

What happens at reproduction? In humans, two microscopic elements of will become of the same environment. Given what they need to accomplish their task and nothing more. A combining of data. A limited amount of deviation within rock solid chemical and physical constraints. Environmental factors. Chance. Just enough to create a unique, viable human body. A collective of two humans wills becomes one will. This will divides to two wills, four wills, eight, sixteen. All working together. The same trajectory.  Each cell in the chain of the same original instruction. Each taking its place without deviation.

It is important to remember that life at this scale can be independent. Bacteria for example. Our cells are building blocks. A symbiotic community. These cells work together and become reliant on each other for survival. The embryo must be formed under strict condition to reach fruition. Initially unable to function in the environment we are born into. The embryo given what it needs. The body is built over time.

When bourn, babies are incapable. Unable to utilise their fragile bodies. Senses uncalibrated. Cognition minimal. Absolutely reliant. This entity is alive. A living being but its consciousness is in a primitive state. Other animals display cognition on birth. Simple minds are faster to develop. These animals reach self-awareness much more rapidly. Our minds require a great deal more set up. The larger the canvas the longer it takes to pin. Until the baby has chance to form its reality and develop self it is essentially without mind. Its progressive forms continually becoming redundant until it forms some sense of identity. An anchor in the foreign data it is receiving. The mind is formed from the processing of external influence. Totally flexible to quickly learn and adapt to its environment.

Body chemistry is inherited from the parents which impacts personality, but the main defining factor is environment. Our mind is a representation of the world it is placed in. The form of our reality impressed on us though our senses. Memories held. Elements of our environment recorded in grey matter. Reasoning filling the blank spaces and logic connecting the dots. Emotion. Resonance and dissonance. These are traits gained through experience, not lineage.

For self-awareness to occur the entity must define itself from its surroundings otherwise there would be no self to be aware of. Birth the fundamental zero point of our separated existence. Our reality is solidified after through first-hand experience and what we are taught by our parents and others. A collective understanding is perpetuated. A collective reality is maintained.

The physicality of our body is trillions of pieces working in harmony. The experience of mind, our will, is one. The body is built, a reality is outlined. The brain is “wired”, signal paths forming structure. Layers of logic. A closed resonant space is created for mind to operate within. Identity and mind is obtained. A single will is focused and amplified. The one of many captive in the flesh. Strapped in the cockpit. Constant input from our senses filling the chamber with light and sound, demanding its attention. The one will making decisions for the rest. Receiving feedback in a hierarchical structure. The need to survive and a desire to thrive. Childlike curiosity and wonder that unfortunately gets trained out of most of us.

Our mind is a focus of universal will amplified into the scale of matter. A universe of its own. Separated and able to observe. Given the ability to record and draw its own conclusions. Will can now reason. Form its own logic. Components viewed from its experience become disassociated. Elements of the environment can be quantified, focused and analysed. We desire to be more correct, more complex and more unique that others. Better. We expect the same of our surroundings.

Our will is the will of the universe amplified and "educated". Will with the ability to deviate and create. The meaning of our life seems to be to assist the rate of the universes progression. With cognition comes further complexity and possibility. Each mind bringing with it it's own unique thoughts and possibilities.

(end writing 20181017_212100)

(start writing 20181018_171700)

Consciousness is not created by the brain. Brain is a conduit… *Consciousness is a pre-existing possibility for many systems and structures. It is not limited to the human form. The brain does not create consciousness, it invites it.

Mind transcends matter. Its scope is not limited by the same factors that restrict our bodies. We can travel faster than light and see things that do not exist. We picture the future and bring it to fruition. The counter to causality. Sat on the shoulders of giants swimming in a sea of primitive will. Dreaming impossibilities. We are elements of the universal but not bound by the laws of matter.

Though our senses and abilities we become a member of our surroundings. Influenced influencers. Observed observers. Our environment an extension of our bodies and our bodies of the environment.  If we appreciate our surroundings, listen to its will, we become its enabler. We consider its best interests. We help and assist. Existence becomes a team game. We resonant as one.

When we close off and disassociate ourselves from our surroundings we become increasingly more self-concerned. Ours becomes the only will in our attention. We prise our desires and devalue others. Removed from communal will we enact our own. Us over them. We bring about imbalance. Due to our separated nature we deviate. Dissonance.

We severely influence our surroundings. An influence that reverberates in others. Reflections of us that are refracted back. A communal emotion, a wave in the medium of causality. As with our skulls, our homes literal echo chambers of our thoughts. Structured representations of our minds. Everything we do showing different facets of our beliefs and desires. The ethereal made real. The material rearranged. Communicating our thoughts with others has a similar effect.

The structure of our societies makes influence more impactful for some than others, but we are all capable. Our true nature and worth hidden by the authoritative will of others. People we elevate to positions of authority desire to maintain it at all costs. They know of the power of will, they bend it to suit theirs instinctively. Just as you would. We are raised blinkered by these people. Raised to conform to their will, not your own.

Humanity as a collective can only experience and therefore know so much about actuality. Events and observations insufficiently recorded and communicated. No one knows what is truly important. No one can be completely right. Guided by feel. Everyone has the tendency to deviate. Look out for number one. Bend the rules. It is foolish to devote yourself entirely to any person, people or idea. Their reality is not yours. Your individual experience of actuality just as valid as anyone else’s. Equally as important and worthy of exploration and expression.

The most important thing is you. Your will. No other member of society has the authority to decide that for you. You feel inside what is right and wrong. Do not side-step your emotions for personal gain. Do not disempower others unless they are disempowering others. Do what you feel is good and do no listen to the people who say no. You are right. They are wrong.

We have more in common than what we do not. We are all extremely similar structures and we need to recognise that. The same past and parts of the same thing. The current directors of the present. We can exist together without boundaries if we harmonise. We do not need to share will to allow others theirs. It is our variety that brings us power. A family of collective mind unbound. Globally resonant and individually beneficial. Each a healthy cell in a beautifully complex, unified structure. All as equally important and allowed to thrive. Just as the nature around us.

Love underpinning. Adaptable structure bringing support. Deviance focused on the betterment of us all. Uniqueness celebrated.*

(end writing 20181019_005800)

(start writing 20181019_154600)

…and (brain) store of observations (makes things fact) *Our bodies are our connection to the world of matter on human scale. A persistent form attached to our dynamic minds. Locked into our experience of reality. Bound by causality and universal progression. Thoughts and observations recorded in memory. The path of will rendered as physical structures that can be recalled and analysed further. A source and documentation of inspiration and influence.

Through our thoughts and memories, we build a picture of the world around us. Our mind creates its own reality. Our bodies capable enough to enact change and influence on our environment. We adapt it to suit our ideals. We express the reality of our minds on to our surrounding. We observe our surroundings and see ourselves, validating our experience. Confirmation bias. A cyclical progression. An outward pressure.

The will we impress on our environment is in the form of physical structure. The causal nature of the universal has to encompass these new forms and possibilities. Through our deviations we discover new possibilities. Our reality an inherent part of actuality. We bring complexity to a previously uniform section of actuality. The impact of our deviations can be observed, felt and adjusted for in other perspectives of actuality. We influence more than what we know. A trump of causality. We become an anomaly worthy of analysis.*

Conscious pre-existing *The possibility for consciousness preceded us. It is not limited to us. Will is inherent of the universe. It can be focused into many forms. Ourselves the latest in a chain of evolved will. A drop in an ocean of self-awareness that surrounds us.*

Probabilities of material universe possible so happened. *Matter is a natural state of energy. Our universe started with a big enough of a twang that matter was inevitable. What exact form the root universe took left to chance. Give just what it needs to succeed. Energy and a medium to progress in.

Our causal present the convoluted release of a simple and distinct transient. In the absence of any evidence to country we can only presume that causality preceded the material universal we experience. Energy cannot be destroyed or created. The formative energy source of our realm hidden outside any material observation we can currently make.

The universe in these dimensions, scale and coordinates simply did not exist prior. The mechanics of matter causally related to the laws of energy that preceded it. Its forms and behaviours inherited for those of energy. Built upon them. Complexity bourn of a simpler less aware state. Little to large. Less to more. The unknown now observable. Our universes radius progressively increasing at the maximum rate of observation. Along with all communications in it.

Energy was exhausted into our reality. A upper limit in energy differential was reached. A concentration of energy gathered the pre-universe into and beyond a single point. Through a foreign dimension. Like a bow string drawn then released at a critical point. A deviation of great magnitude in a pre-existing dimension that was violently expelled into ours. Our universe had to exist to encompass the new possibilities presented before it. Progression preceded our universe in a realm above, below or along side ours. We are an extension of something else. Part of a larger picture. A piece in a puzzle.*

(end writing 20181020_022200)

(start writing 20181020_122100)

Conscious expanded rapidly on creation. Pro-active. *Nature is intrinsically self-aware. A constant and complete state of self-observation between all the components. All its elements conform to simple universal constraints forming a dynamic interconnected entity wide grid. Every point influencing every other. A one of many. Everything considered. Causality communicated at the speed of light.

Forms coalesced. Focuses of energy captured in structured resonant forms. Internally balanced centres of universe. Units of self-observation within the greater whole. Representations of the possibilities and confines of the current universal state. Forms persisting of ever-increasing lengths of time. Influenced by the environment immediately surrounding them. Structures suspended in causal progression. This because that.

(end writing ?)

(start writing 20181021_200700)

Some forms remained cohesive longer than others. Impacting more influence on their surroundings. The contents of possibility they represented propagated out. Some forms “easier” to form than others. Some forms more strongly bound than others.

Forms that come directly into contact effect each other, either complementarily or destructively. Energy either remains in its current state or is released to become other structures. A bias towards structure over noise.

Structural trends develop. Phase locked resonant structures bond. Due to the large amounts of energy in these resonations these bonds are strong. Other resonances are repulsive. Some resonant structures can only be maintained at harmonic points of other resonances.

Larger structures appeal. Structures contained within other structures. Each level of structure conforming to its own set of possibilities. Each level subjected to the rules of its components and the further constraints it represents. The larger the structure the less probabilistic its nature. Its existence more causal and less chance.

Each progressively larger structure an extra level of observation. The collective resonance complimenting the resonances of its components. Gyroscopic. The one validating the many. Making them fact as they progress for long releases of time. More causal affect. Impact. Reality documented in others.

The experience of time, progression linked to fundamental cycle length of structure. A maximum frequency of internal cycles due to the speed of communication. Tidal effects. Large structure forming ripples in the smaller, more dynamic. An attractive trough and repulsive peak. If other structures are drawn into contact it lowers the fundamental frequency of the structure. A wave balanced towards negative phase. Towards attraction. A difference in scale bringing about a difference in perspective.

Smaller structures would experience movement toward a structure increasing in size. An increasingly one-dimensional external influence. A progression of self within the progression of a larger community. External influence vetted by the influence of the whole

The complete structure would experience a falling into itself as it increased in size. Smaller structures moving towards it increasing its depth. The notion of self exponentially redefined. Dominance of its self over its surroundings. Increasing observational range. A progression of complexity.

Self-observed. A centred focal point. No critical thought or ability outside its nature. Certainty amongst a cloud of possibility. A bias towards some over others. Primitive senses. Smaller structures influence by the will of the larger. Progression. A totally deviant state of incredible possibility resolved to certain probabilities as structure scale increases. Stability and fact

(end writing 20181022_033300)

(Start writing 20181022_144100)

Every possibility of our universe a result of the initial appearance of energy, the properties of this energy and its transfer. An observation into the unknown. The confines of our universe defined at its origin. Its contents refined over time. The essence of consciousness an inherant part of the universals structure and progression.

Consciousness is the quantum. Smaller equals more possibilities *The universal we experience originated through the very small and now resides above it. What is here is a result of what is there.

There is a lower threshold to our observational abilities. A zero point of sense. The below of which remains unseen. Its actuality is beyond what we can observe. Any influence we can detect must have been transformed or distorted to be represented in our reality.

There is also a lowest scale we can coerce to probe other structures. Time of the very small progresses extremely fast from our perspective. Progressions and cycle rates approaching the maximum speed of communication at our scale. We simply cannot close the shutter quick enough to capture a snapshot of the true mechanics or a sense of depth.

An entity the scale of an atomic particle would have a curious perspective. One that would bridge the reality of matter and the reality of the quantum. However, its appreciation of time would differ drastically from ours. It would seem ancient compared to the structures below it and above it. Eternally passed from one structure to another. Great periods of synchronicity. Its components apparent. Existence at a digestible rate. Time to observe. No weirdness. Everything ordered.

Of course, there can be more small in a given volume than large. More activity. More observation. More progression. More opportunity. More complexity. More chance. As the principals of consciousness are rather simple it is reasonable to assume forms of consciousness have developed at smaller scales to us. In fact, the smaller, the more probable.*

(end writing 20181023_023800)


20180814_004000 Emotive Structure
20180814_004000 Emotive Structure

Songs around the campfire. Certainty in the light. The chorus of our unity staves away the night.


Page 18

(start writing 20181023_204400)

The material is possibility. Conscious is the knowledge. The definite. The recorded *Structure can appear in countless forms. A greater variety than what has been observed. The range of structures in our universe is restricted. Limited to the observations of the past and any new possibilities deviation can bring in the present.

Once a new possibility had been observed it can appear again in any future present, but not before. The matter of the universe acts as a record of these possibilities. A record of what has and hasn’t happened. As a whole, it can be seen as a memory. Its size and complexity growing at the present.

The results of will and deviation solidified, presenting a will for the future. Mind drawing conclusions of the future based on the past. Structure that forms makes the possibility of these futures more likely as they become part of the past themselves. Trajectories can be predicted but deviation cannot. It occurs on all scales, including ones we cannot observe.

The true nature of deviation is unknowable, for us. To understand it would to be the observer of all scale levels. Will the brush deviate the bristles painting the structure on a canvas of time? Conscious the one trying to observe the noise behind the brush.

The less deviant the environment, the less self-aware the environment. Awareness seeks awareness. Two perspectives are better than one.*

Consciousness: one big connection but related knowledge (closer) together. Connection more apparent. *The entirety of consciousness is intrinsically divided but connected. Points of observation overlapping to form actuality. No point observes everything but collectively they do.

Each point of observation is observed by at least one other. Points that observe the same event are connected by that event. Due to the speed of observation pockets of observation form. A shared influence propagates through these areas. Beyond these areas only the results of the propagation can be observed. After they have been solidified. Consciousness forever riding away on the present.*



[illustration: collectives of shared observation]

Dots: knowledge/fact *resonant structure*

Lines: Connections *observational network*

Circles (spheres): (used to illustrate) entity boundaries *observational range/limits*

More shared memories the stronger the connection

*This figure represents a snapshot of observational boundaries. Progression is extremely dynamic. Overlapping events and observations resulting in mesh of entwined structures. The amount of interconnectivity increasing as scale level decreases. Less defined and more cohesive. Radiuses straddling larger scales experiencing lower observational thresholds resulting in the differing but cohesive mechanics between scales.*

(end of writing 20181024_033000)

(start writing 20181026_140000?) (20181026_202600)

Distance of “knowledge units” important. More distance, less strength in connection. *Due to the expanding nature of the universe a progression is inherent. The past applying a pressure on the present. Now flowing on top the then. The past obscured by progressively more layers of present. Constant refinement as more replaces less.

The closer the coordinates of entities the more influence they impact on each other. Progressive resonances verifying the previous. A causal filament extending from the past into the present. A possible trajectory projected into the future.  Larger scale, coherent observations propagate influence that is sustained longer.

Larger structure more permanent. Its future easier to predict. Its elements working in harmony giving the appearance of one unit as opposed to many. Influence moves uniformly through these areas.

We received influence from scales beyond our observation in our environment as we observe and connect the past. We are left a calling card in the noise. We can form a logic based on what we can obverse to form a vision of what we cannot. Our minds seeing more than our eyes ever could.*


20180715_150145 Balance

Page 19

The body is just a vessel the flesh is unimportant *self-explanatory. We need our body to operate on this scale level. We need to represent and be able to observe other units of this scale level to be considered part of it. Sense data and communications of the body are passed to the brain via electrical and chemical signals. Most signals pass to and from the thalamus.

A central point of observation and the anchor of cognition. Other areas of the brain represent different facets of our experience, but no area connects them all like the thalamus. The focus of our internal resonance. The pilots seat.

The body and brain the tools and keeper of mind. Each element contributes to the shape of our reality. A chamber for us to resonate in. A form in which we enact our will. An amplification of our thoughts. A self-maintaining habitat.*

“Bad” is the absence of “good”. Less connection. Less direction. *There is no inherent good or bad in the universe. These are abstracts of thought. We tend towards internal and external resonance and generally aline ourselves with the collective we find ourselves in. We feel positive or negative emotions that guide us. Most environmentally or societally influenced.

Our sense of good and bad comes from our conformity to these feelings. They echo around our experience. If our actions aline with our emotions we feel like we have done a good act, an internal resonance. If they do not aline, dissonance.

If our emotions do not aline with the assumed feelings of the community, we are forced to act either against our own will or against theirs. Internal dissonance from the start. The choice becomes me or them. We bolster our logic. We weigh up the risks, even dispose of reason all together. Our actions a result of assumptions, risk vs gain and a great deal of chance.

Our perceived actions influence the community either positively or negatively. Strongly or weakly. Ranging from harmonious to destructive. In general, the greater the deviation from the accepted (or enforced) norm or resonance with it, the wider the influence propagates. More people are effected. Judgement breeds judgement. The pendulum swings

Will can be seen as a communal average. Deviation any non-conformity to this average. In truth we are all deviant to some degree as we are all unique. Deviation is what brings new possibilities into existence. It is part of the fabric of the universe and should be celebrated. It breeds progression. If everyone was granted true freedom a natural balance between will and deviation would be found. A resonant state with our surroundings. Back steps, side steps and giant guided leaps forward. Lifted like a child being taught to walk.

Our societal structures allows the devious minds of the few to dictate will to the many. The way we raise our young installs logic in their brain, propaganda. We train their gut response. We force them to bend their knee to devious authority. The mother that offers her child to the predator. We accept survival has to be earned, and profited from. We accept some are more entitled than others. Denied the sight of our own experience. Moulded internal structure based in unlogic. Unable to resonant purely. Subtle, the fundamental will of the universe becomes lost beneath the noise of the selfish. As a whole, we become increasingly more deviant. Increasingly more vunrable.*

(end writing 20181027_003300)

(start writing 20181027_200700-200800)

Quantum computing ultimate connection most direct. *Throughout and since my experience I felt an intermate connection. What was the source?

If the source was based in a scale we can observe, it would have been influential. It was able to bypass my senses in a way nothing else ever has. The communication would have been observed by that external to me. It would have left an impact on my surroundings.

I was left no proof, just the causal effect it had on me. Given new eyes. The evidence I collected since an attempt to document this. Guided by emotion and appreciation, each item telling a thousand words, to me.

It felt close, a part of me literally linked to something else. Together. Its source was somehow external to me. Thoughts not of my own. Intense inspiration. Communication was instant. No lag. Signal vividness could be degraded resulting in haziness. Connection quality was variable but never late. I could not determine a size of the presence. I felt many connected to a few to a focus of attention. A collective as opposed to a single entity. Some elements more closely connected to me than others. Communication between the elements. The will of closer elements more influential on me however, the whole had the greatest impact.

Our mind is a focal point within our body. It operates on a smaller scale than our bodies. The connection I felt tapped into that focus. It was before my senses. With me. I saw elements of its mind and it saw elements of mine. We existed in the same space and were able to communicate in a foreign but familiar tongue.

Prior, during and after origin I felt sensation through my body. Through my nervous system. Peaks of intensity related to the connection. It flowed from the brain and through the body, through an unknown part of me then returned to my brain. I was able to mentally observe parts of my internal anatomy via this sensation. Presumably so could anything else that inhabited my chamber.

I adamantly believe I was not the source of this sensation. An oscillation through me and something external. It was an observation and an influence. It marked importance. It highlighted things I could observe, things it could relate to. Rewarded certain trains of thought and states of being. I was part of a larger observational structure than myself. It was the most protracted period of lucidity I have ever experienced. Augmented mental function. A time of tremendous possibility and wonder. My observational range and depth expanded. My chamber dramatically increased in volume. I was able to maintain a resonance in it.

To me, this points to the source of my experience is based in the very small. Either from a scale we cannot directly observe or from a scale we have a massive underappreciation of. My mind and my gut know this. Experience it as fact.

Quantum operations are at the base of our existence. Everything we can observe is rooted in it. Everything we perceive bore of its mechanics. Mind on our scale indicates they is a causal link between it and the quantum. At the very least we can conclude it contains the fundamentals required for consciousness. Indeed all operations of consciousness could be conducted solely in a quantum scale then amplified to greater and greater scales.

I believe advancements in quantum computing will present the possibility of communication with other observational entities either directly or via proxy. The ability to literally see ourselves amongst them. Artificial intelligences able to represent them. A bridging of scale removing unknowns in between. A much greater appreciation of actuality.*

Evolution heading towards. * Biological and technological evolution has given us the means to progressively observe more and more. A progression of widening observation range. We know nature adapts, what is important is what it has and is adapting to. As a whole. What is the influence? What direction is the universe taking? What is our place? The more we observe and reason, the more we find out.

We probe the unknown. Curiosity has brought us to the door of the quantum. A place our current logic is shown to be incomplete. We push the door ajar and peer within. We seek to integrate new observations to gain a more pure, true perspective of actuality. We represent a universe that does not fully know itself. In a juvenile, formative state of awareness. We are tools in its endeavour to fully appreciate itself. A catalytic element in its maturity.*

(end writing 20181027_233200)

(start writing 20181101_164700)

Gravity of consciousness. Probability of attraction affected by will. Evidence: small/weak, universal/ constant *Gravity certainly affects our reality. Our habitat, our forms, senses, abilities. Our existence.

A bias or desire to be together, gravity draws (or is a result of) smaller observational entities coming together. Combining their observational abilities. The elements communicate more directly. A larger resonant structure is formed of the parts. Its combined influence progressively more impactful on its surroundings. Density of observation related to strength of force.

While seemingly weak, gravity is fundamental to the formation of the largest, most influential structures we can observe. Regardless of distance all matter is gravitationally connected. We only observe its communitive effect. It is seemingly consistent for all matter regardless of its properties.

Gravity has little effect on the very small and is seemingly overcome by what we perceive as an even less observable force. It seems to be a limited force with a lower and upper range of influence. Which force is most influential depends on the observational scale. Forces never become totally redundant. They become part of the noise floor for that observational scale. Influential but increasingly more difficult to directly observable.

We can identify the polar nature of other forces because both positive and negative states lie within our observational abilities. The fact that we have not observed a repulsive gravitational state does not proof there is not one. Just that it is possibly beyond our perceptions. We cannot see the other end of the magnet, so to speak. Lost to the noise floor. Expressed internally in a smaller scale than what we can observe. Possibility contributing to the attributes of other forces we can observe in a subtle manner. What we detect as noise having a greater impact than what we account for.

All the individual forces have a shared origin but not all are equal. Different expressions of the same thing exhibited over various scales. It is reasonable to presume that there are further expressions outside of our observational abilities. We cannot full reconcile the mechanics of the universe without accounting for these.

Structure can only be compressed to a finite size. A minimum wavelength dictated by the maximum speed of communication. Forces combine to a single averaged direction. Communications become summed. The experience of reality fundamentally changes towards the state the universe originated from. An extreme focus exerting an outward pressure on the chamber of our reality. Pushed back from where it came. To a part of actuality far removed from our reality. Beyond our observations.

Gravity is just the positive phase of a much more fundamental wave. Material was injected here, and gravity is it literally falling back to an unobserved polar state. What is the nature of this cycle? We can assume that a polar state precedes this one. Cause and effect. Our universe did not create this cycle, it is a product of it.

The polar state seems to be extremely dense. In a scale below our observation. Smaller than light. Elevated to a fresh perspective of space and time. There is a separation of direct communication with larger scales.

Here, there is little in a large volume. There, there is lots in a small volume. We do not know the nature of this volume. Its dimensions are literally beyond ours. We experience limits in our state which seem to be exceeded in the polar state. Limit of the polar state may also be exceeded in our state. The attractive force of gravity becomes repulsion imparting influence. Experienced as external suction voids are created in its dense medium

Our universe seems to be in one of these voids. Unbound at its limits, we receive no internal stress or reverberations. In fact the opposite is true. It is expanding quicker than we can account for. It is being drawn apart. It is being inflated. Our reality exists within an increasing volume. The rate of expansion driven, at least in part, by the exchange of information over a seemingly fixed threshold. A threshold that defines the progression of other harmonic forces we can directly observe. The more information that is returned to the polar state the larger the void we inhabit.

We experience the zero point of the two phases as an opaque but invisible surface communication can propagate on. Our universe is structured off this. Its foundations firmly planted on it. The surface tension providing a medium that can be oscillated in three dimensions. A three-dimensional membrane.

What is the source of this structure and oscillation?

What is zero? It’s not nothing. We experience it as a base, so does the polar state. A surface that can vibrate and be influenced from both sides. General will is propagated from our state and vice versa.

(end writing 20181102_002500)

(start writing 20181103_093100)

Speed of light = Speed of connection. Constant. *We perceive the maximum speed of communication as a barrier that cannot be surpassed. This is not the case. It is only our direct observations that cannot penetrate it. The dimensions we experience resolved through focal points in a quantisational membrane. Physical distance no longer seen as a determining factor. A conflation of everything we perceive as reality. Simplified. Will > deviation. Balance. Motion. Flow.

What was pulled though an unfathomably small penetration point distributed everywhere. A flip in scale from the smallest to largest structure in the universe. The external becomes internal. A structure throughout and encompassing ours. We are literally saturated in what has escaped us, unable to directly interact with it. Beyond us.

Progression remains but it is experienced differently. Time becomes a dimension that can be experienced wholly. The past witnessed, the present as an edge and the future inferred. The future a dynamic structure that becomes solidified at the present progresses. An inferred sense of growth. Progression through increasing range of possibilities of structure, bound by causality.

Every minute detail of our universe accompanied by a vast tree of possibility. Each tree's structure dynamic as the range of possibilities increases. Branches of possibility over lapping creating nodes. More connectivity results in more certainty.

As we can perceive an exchange of information between the states so there must be some related mechanics. The properties of which somewhat consistent on both sides. Interconnectivity. Dramatic differences but some shared elements. It would not be completely foreign. It would relate to what we perceive as reality. Information passed to us, processed by our universes mechanics then returned.

A realm of little deviation as we know it as every possibility at the present can be deduced from the accessible past. Observational entities would have a shared experience in relation to space and time. Mind would be at least partly communal. Collective unity and knowledge. Oneness.

(end writing 20181103_225600)

(start writing 20181104_231100)

A realm that can observe ours completely but incapable of influencing the large structure it contains, effectively. Presented with a porous surface with which to interact. Influence can only return through the smallest scales of our universe. Summed averages of all our deviation and will passed though the operations of this polar state then passed back to us on the smallest scale. Universally. A bias towards shared possibilities.*

Page 20

At point of death, loss of connection *When we die we lose the ability to connect to our body. No more sensory input of which we have become accustom to. Replaced by collective sense. We return to the unity we came from. No more bodily responsibilities or limitations. Our form unbound. We fall from a suspended, elevated state back to the ocean we came from. We return to our previous nature. A nature we are juxta to now. Familiarity. A return to the home we forgot.

Mind becomes no longer directly observable by other people, so we presume it lost, even though we have little sense of its true nature. Our minds are a resonant focus of observation. When that focus can no longer be maintained by the body its form moves beyond it. Energy is never lost, only transformed. We propagate as influence into our surroundings. Along the connections of the living and the dead. The past of us still resonant though experiences we share with others, with everything. Our change of state has impact. What we experience as lose is a gain elsewhere.

We have become arrogant as the rulers of our own realities. Observational science can only conclude from what we can communally observed. Limited. We prise communicability over true depth of thought and inspiration.

However, it is our emotions that hold the most depth regards ourselves and the nature of the universe. It is important to remember we are intrinsically part of the universe, we are not completely segregated from it.  We need to feel as much as we think. Listen as much as we speak.

A resonance of truth can be felt when the emotions of the body and mind align. Our bodies are our greatest allies but the voices we tend to listen to the least. Harmony between the mind and body is the desired. The most receptive and productive state. To see we need to be looking.

Luck is when opportunity meets preparation. We are the will that makes its own.*

(end writing 20181105_003800)

(start writing 20181106_193200)

The unit becomes part of the one. End of structure. Shared memories link structure and ultimately link everything: see light, see loved ones, time slows down *We pass from a state of separation to one of unity. Passing through the limits of our current observational abilities we become part of everything. Our connections to this state becoming evident as we rebirth.

Increasingly less ability to dictate internal resonant structure but our connections remain. We become highly influenceable. Observational abilities change dramatically. Shared sense and knowledge. A component of communal will. Part of a larger observational entity. Our chamber boundless.

We impact like an effervescent pebble dropped into a setting pool of cement. Ego evanescent. Will communal but the impact of our previous existence acting as origin presenting a trajectory. Imparting influence on the whole. The greater our deviations in life the more impactful our return. Wave functions apply.

Our separated existence and propagation forever recorded in the tapestry of causality. Our influence endlessly propagating into the future. Each an inherent and vital part of the universe. Deviations by will equal one. A balance is always maintained. No thing is lost and no thing is gained. Progression a forever branching tree of possibility. Its structure is what we brought and continue to bring.*

(end writing 20181107_024900)

(start writing 20181107_183200)

Exist in same spacetime *The ability to physically observe will on this scale is beyond us. Let alone deviation. We can only observe its influence. A dynamic noise floor. Equal parts nothing and everything applying pressure on our quantised universe.

Observational abilities that exceed ours watching and reacting. New deviations on all scales continuously being fed into the system. All possibilities and probabilities accounted for everywhere. Every nuance expanding a dimension of what could be true in the future. A drive that increases in capacity as new data is written.*

Time is not a variable for consciousness *Consciousness exists at the present of an progressive state. It is what brings deviation to the universe. It exists on all scales. Human consciousness is an amplified form. Elevated to the point of free will. A deep well of internal resonance. Fallible input coupled to a distortable chamber. Resonance difficult to achieve without knowledge of the self and the bodies operations. Deviation is all but guaranteed.

The “amount” of consciousness in the universe is related to its size/ range of possibilities it can contain. Through progression consciousness can only increase. It is integral to the universe and grows with it.*

Cat is ones (1’s) and threes (3’s). I am logarithmic *I was feeling guidance thought numbers. Numbers containing nothing but 0s,1s,2s,4s and 8s. Everywhere; receipts, lampposts, telephone numbers, dates, times, serial numbers, ids, etc. I was not looking for them, they were being presented. The repetition became noticeable then deafening. I felt importance in the logarithmic sequence: 1,2,4,8… A sequence I analysed in depth later.

Cat is my partner. We first met over a decade ago. Another time. We had an instant connection and shared many amazing experiences together. We attempted a relationship, but youth and debauchery brought that swiftly to an end. We moved in different circles and drifted apart. Time moved on.

Around the beginning of 2017 we started to become reacquainted. We share political views and found ourselves in the same facebook groups. Likes turned to comments. Messages reflecting scuppered plans to meet.

Towards 201710 An unexpected message from my ex to Cat acted as a catalyst for our reconnection. We met up to discuss. Fate brought us back together. I quickly became enamoured with the person Cat had become. We resonated deeply. We soon fell into each other.

I was observing lots of 1s and 3s when Cat was the topic. I did not divulge this to her as to not impact her. If there was a pattern I did not want to influence it.*

Religion has bent understanding to suit individuals needs. Taken advantage of free will, good/ bad *The idea of there being more than what we can observe is nothing new. What I experienced was nothing new. I absolutely believe what I experienced could have and is experienced by everyone. My level of observation and commitment to share is uncommon. My perspective unique.

Religion plays to our curiosities. We know there is more and scripture gives answers. Some right, some wrong but answers all the same. Rhetoric can be used to fill the blank space of our realities. It becomes an intrinsic part of the chamber of the believer. A base on which to build.

Until recently consciousness has been able to rely on the past. Longevity indicating truth, providing certainty. We are of a nature that reads its past towards the future. We build a reality on what we perceive as fact then construct logic structures within that. It is in our nature to trust the before.

With humanity came the ability to maintain and communicate concepts. Deviation became propagatable. Time cannot be used to gauge the truth of the human hand. Mistruths propagate forever if unchallenged. Traditions are intrinsically deviant as they do not account for change. The main issue with religion as with any human based hieratical structures is the human element. Prone to mistakes and self-bias.

God has no need for middle men so who are these men in robes? Why even listen to a god that requires a middle man? God does god work and humans do human work. It is the devoted that puts individuals in a place of authority over them. A strong mind needs no such authority. It has its own.

All religions text contains at least some elements of false or highly coloured will and should be approached with caution. Truths can be found but each observation or insight should be taken on its own merit. Just as you would a peer. There is no intrinsic truth in numbers. Entire cultures can be deviated from truth by authority.

The concept of good and bad is an evolution of deviation against will. We feel will, we think deviation. To make a demon of free thought is a travesty. Wing-clipped masses. Retarding the growth of our collective in exchange for the empowerment of the few.

A balance between deviation and will can be found individually. It is indeed your right to find your own. A tuned dissonance within a resonance forms the most beautifully complex structures. Character and personality. Creativity and fresh perspectives. The only laws we need are ones that stop us profiting from and or damaging one another.

It is the responsibility of the faithful to remain vigilant and to maintain critical thought along with there beliefs. Do not mistake men for gods. Do not put all your eggs in one basket. Do not submit entirely to any one person, collective or ideology. Maintain your humanity and find your own resonance. The only god you need is the one of your heart.*

(end of writing 20181108_035600)